You will never fade away

As I was finishing my History essay,
honestly I felt a little sad that this is probably my last History essay I will ever write
in my life since Im not gonna take it in JC anymore...

I told my friends and they said they felt the same way too :(
we spent quite awhile being sentimental hahaha
but we promised each other that we will keep our study group alive
even as we go to JC (: YAY.
sigh I will miss them so much and what Im learning in secondary school now.

you take one step at a time there's no need to rush

Yay most of the papers are done! :D
at least the Sciences are done (:
tomorrow's history paper already!
I think I will really miss my
history/SS/ sometimes geog and even English
study group ahahah.
though we didn't really do much
and we only came into existence
not long ago, but I will still miss them :(
I will miss all the discussions we had,whether it was face to face or on
whatsapp and how everyone is so ready to share and help each other out.

I'm always learn so much when I'm with them! I really hope we can continue this into JC heh,  hopefully...

the clouds to the ground, won't you catch me now?

God allows us to experience the low points of life
In order to teach us lessons that we would only learn in no other way.
- C.S Lewis

I think C.S Lewis has to be my favourite author.
without him, I don't think Narnia will ever
come into existence.
to come up with a whole New and different world like Narnia is not an easy feat.
speaking of that, I really need to finish reading the Narnia series after Os.

Sometimes I really wish I can just be Lucy and have the privilege of discovering Narnia in my uncle's wardrobe so that I can escape this world and go to that wonderful and magical world and make snow angels everywhere. AHA.
Okay this is more than making snow angels.
I will tour the entire Narnia on my
trustworthy horse ( hmm if I can even get one)  and try to meet Aslan if I have the chance (:

Oh wells all this imagining is getting me too excited hahah.

someday

Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.

-C.S Lewis

Can that day be today?

I promise myself

To be careful during Math tmrw.
not a single careless mistake.
I will be meticulous.
I will I will I will

Drained

YES ONE PAPER DOWN.
I was so tired during compre,
maybe because it's in the afternoon.

Oh no then I'm so dead for all
my afternoon papers D:
okay no negative thoughts.

Anyways the essay question
I chose was ' how we dress reveals who
we are '
IT CAME OUT FOR MY SPEECH IN
SEC THREE.
But the teacher didn't go through it
she just asked me to talk about it
my points were so slip shod because I
only had three minutes to think.

If only I went home and thought
about it :/

my eyes look to you

I remembered I always prayed for the Lord's
second coming to happen during PSLE
so I didn't have to take anymore exams.

now that it's O levels,
my prayer changed.
I just pray that may He be with me.

Now that I think back,
I was really silly.
If Jesus really come again now,
will I be prepared to see him?
yes and no.
I think there's s lot of changes I need to
do to my life before I can say I'm prepared to
meet Him.
So many things I have yet done for Him.
On The other hand,
I don't think I can ever be prepared to meet
Him.
how can anyone say they are fully prepared
unless they persevered and ran the good
race.

During sermon today,
pastor Kenny mentioned how each of us
have to give an account to God on every
word and sentence that came out of our mouths and every single thing that we have done.

Although the Bible didn't really say how
we are going to be judged,
I keep imagining that my whole
life will just flash on this giant screen like a movie clip
and God will just pause it every now
and then and ask me why did I say this
or why did I do that.

will I have the answer to everything?
or will I be ashamed of some of the things I did in the past that I don't know how to answer Him :(

What am I gonna say when He asks me why I wasn't cherishing the time He gave me? :(

raindrops keep falling on my head

Today was rather a productive day with Nicole and Celine
at least I have part of SS out of the way

we are empire for lunch
and ordered a mega teriyaki pizza
and pasta to share.
the pizza was so heavenly
everything was mega sized so we
were so full and I just felt
so sleepy when we went back to the library D:

but because of grace because of your mercy I stand here unashamed

I think its pretty cool how we have a SS group chat
ahahaah.
they are probably my first ever study group.
it's quite fun to see all the fun facts that Christine post about the infamous dictators.
I must say my interest In history is once again aroused.
sigh humanities.
I shall go do SS noww

and when we finally meet, it will be for eternity

Today was quite a good day (:

Okay it didn't really start well because I was rushing out English essays for my English
teacher to mark before I met her for consultation. Hahah see Dionis, can you stop being so last minute.
honestly I didn't know what to ask so I just discussed essay topics with her.
Gahhh English Is like L1.
L1.
And I'm not prepared for it.
Good job Dionis.

Anyways I had tuition after that.
I think the most memorable thing was how Rhonda screamed when she saw the squashed dead lizard.
Ahahah I screamed the first time too.
It was quite hilarious because every group of girls who went past that road will scream heh.

We talked about having siblings on the bus.
I kind of agree that being the only child is great but sometimes I wish I have an elder or non-identical twin sister or an older brother.

Its so cool to have a non-identical twin sister.
This reminds me of Jayesslee.
its really amazing how God has used them to touch so many people's lives through their music.
Sometimes I feel that when two individuals come together with a common goal, God can do much more things through them.
so sometimes I really wish for a sister who can be beside me to encourage me and listen to me, someone whom I can drag to have lunch with and just talk to when I'm bored during Chinese new year ahahah.
But who says God can't use individuals too?
Maybe I got use to not having siblings that it might feel weird if He just decided to give me one now...

Anyways we had tuition.
I was really sleepy because I woke up so early today to do essays
and Nicole just had to throw the eraser at me when I was falling asleep and then she was sniggering at the back.
silly girl.
I will get back at you.  One day ahahah.
Okay I haven't got back at you for tying my shoelaces too.
hahah one day. After Os, I shall plan something big, just you wait hahahhah.
What a moral challenge eh? ( hahah inside joke)

Afterwhich I went to burger king to get dinner.
Then dad brought me and Mum for gelato ice cream,
yup they fulfilled their promise to bring me to eat one more time before O Levels.
I was so full my stomach was gonna burst, quite sure of that hahah.
Dad was being kind of greedy and almost bought the whole pint of ice cream but got told off by my mum instead ahahah.
AMANDA if you are reading this,
please let me go to the gym with you,
I really really need to work out after Os hahah.

challenge

I should have started this long ago.
hope it's not too late.
I shall not check my phone for the entire day.

I AM

The daughter of a King who is not moved by the world.
for my God is with me and goes before me
I will not fear

through emerald courts and sapphire skies

It's really heartwarming of Pei Qi to send me an encouraging
message for O levels (:
although we went to different secondary school, I'm so glad that we still keep in touch (:
I'm so touched that she still remembered
that I'm gonna take Os (she doesn't take Os you see)
so it's really sweet of her.
she's one of the many primary school friends
who helped me through primary school (:
always teaching me patiently and guiding me
when I'm drowning in Mr Lee's math questions.
I probably won't get into my current school or anywhere else if not for her.
yeah it seems like it's a small things but
it's these little small things that bring me to where I am now.

There's so many people supporting me,
I can't give up now.
I just have to run this last lap.
Yes Dionis, you have to run.

There's too much at stake,
either you give up and let
everyone down
or you give it your all.

She's not moving

I think I'm too blessed to be stressed (:
today my mum's CG leader and his wife
prepared this gift bag for me and the rest of
the people who are taking O and A levels.
It's really sweet of them (:
I'm gonna get fat though,
with all this Food that I'm getting hahah.
which reminds me of Nicole's slogan :
EAT LESS, FIT DRESS.
Ahahah I burst out laughing when I heard that, only she's capable of coming up with
such a slogan heh.
oh nooo but I'm eating so much, what if I can't find a grad night dress :/
It encourages me to know that they,along
with the rest of the CG are keeping us lil
kids in prayer as we battle the National
exam :')
awww.
They even asked for our timetables
just so that they can pray for us.
Aunty Irene's praying for me too,
despite the fact that I stopped
having Chinese tuition with her,
she still keeps me in her prayer and
send me occasional encouraging
messages :')

Sigh, I'm afraid too
but when I think of the people praying for me
And supporting me,
everything doesn't seem so scary now (:

BUT STILL
I'm not done with my revision so I
should go now hahah.

steadfast in Him

Do not be afraid
Do not be afraid
Do not be afraid
Do not be afraid
Do not be afraid
Do not be afraid
Do not be afraid

surely surely I tell you

" Surely God loves me more than a bird.
I have never seen a bird having a break down because he didn't know where his
next worm was coming from. GOD
teaches us that we don't have to worry
about tomorrow."

-Joyce Meyer

stop being different

I always thought that I was the memorizing type of person.
at least I use to be one
but maybe I'm not anymore :(
UGH I can't remember Geog for nuts D:
all the landforms, processes...
My mum always advises me to understand it.
come on, what is there to understand for geog?  :(
ultimately, doesn't it all boils down to key words/ phrases which means memory work?
Yeah I understand it but I can't express it in my own words.
Like how many words can be replaced accurately with another word? Hahah.
this is not some vocab qn hahah.
okay nevermind, I shall get back to worrkkk.

just like the Northern Lights

It was really sweet of Bev to surprise me yesterday.

I was having lunch alone, then when

I went back to the library, I found 

this survival pack from her with 

all the snacks that I like inside hahah. 

Finally

I thought I would never get to watch a movie until Os ends,
or rather I just dont want to because there's no timeeee.
But today I said yes to my parents when they asked me if I want to
simply because I want to spend more time with them.
It's a family hobby thing,
we all love to watch the action-packed, intense, exciting, martial arts kind of movie.
I have always enjoyed watching with them,
most of my memories with them probably involve movies and cinemas hahah.

We watched Out of Inferno and that's why I feel so inspired by firefighters now.
I have never thought myself to be a firefighter one day,
I probably can't be one too.
To be in a room with everything set ablaze and everywhere you look is just a vast sea of fire
is just so overwhelming, not to mention the intense heat and everything else.
I recently read an essay on the beauty of fire but all I saw on the movie screen was a picture
of ruin and desolate. Fire just scares me.
If I were the firefighter, I think I will be so despaired that I won't know what to do,
I think I will forget that there are so many more people to save in the building.
Im driven by my emotions too, so I will probably save my family members first.
In the movie, the firefighter couldn't choose because that's his job,
he has to save everyone.

So it's a really special and noble job,
& they totally deserve our admiration and applause (:
We should have a special day dedicated to them just like how we have teachers' day.
They ought to be celebrated (:

The movie was really good!
Thumbs up hahah.
I was constantly on the edge of my seat during the movie.
Im so glad I took time out to watch it even if Os is in 13 days hahah.

when will it ever be the last time we cross paths?

I'm on my way to Math tuition now,
probably the second last Math tuition I will ever have at Ms Tey's house before
I face the Math O levels.
I'm glad in a sense that this means there will be soon no more long train rides or
going home late on Monday night after tuition.
When I was in sec 2, she used to prepare us by telling us that sec 3 and 4 tuition will be later in the night.
I dreaded it, I didn't want to go home so late at night. So I mentioned to her once about this in my teacher's day card to her, I told her I may want to quit tuition because it's just too far.
hahaha look where I am now,
sec 4 and still attending her tuition.
If I can to choose again, I will definitely go for her tuition.
Without her, I wouldn't be able to overcome my fear of Math. Pri School totally took my confidence away. I couldn't do the Math questions at all without asking my friends for help for nearly every single question.
so my initial journey with Math was pretty rough.
I'm so thankful for Ms Tey (;
I realise how God has always blessed with me wonderful tutors who has such a positive impact in my life.
I don't think I will ever be who I am now without teachers like her (:

joy

The sermon during was on Joy- one of the Fruit of the spirit.
I thought I had joy,
til I learnt that joy was much more than putting on a strong front or constantly plastering a smile on your face.
Joy is the ever deepening awareness that God is always around.
Joy is what the world can never offer but God can.

We were challenged a few times to pray for Joy.
'challenged' because praying for Joy would mean that God might let us go through certain trials or difficulties because Joy can only be cultivated when we go through difficult times.
how else? Joy is not inherent.

This too, shall pass

I can't believe today's the last day of school.
It's so surreal.
I know I have been thinking about this since last year but I can't believe I have arrived at this point of time in my life.
It finally dawned on me how much I can't bear to leave SNGS.
Leaving four years of memories behind just doesn't seem right, Its as if I left a part of me behind too.

Today's prayer service was really touching.
I felt touched by every single person who went up to talk to us, to encourage us.
in SNGS, there's always so many people behind us, so many people keeping us in their prayers.
if so many of our teachers believe in us, why can't we do it , right?
I will miss them so much :(

They are right, we are so loved and protected here.
So loved and protected that just the thought of leaving this home of ours seem so intimidating :(

4Grace is probably the best class I ever got into.
Contrary to common belief, we are not full time muggers / geeks / nerds okay,
we actually have a lot of fun everyday!
everyday is an adventure and it's always filled with fun and laughter (:
I will miss the tie two pony tails day, bring your soft toy day etc with my class :(
Sigh,
No more wacky moments with Hui Jan,
no more singing so loudly til we disrupt the entire class moments with Amelia,
no more laughing so hard til we can't breathe with everyone else hahah

I think God really placed people in my life for a reason. To be able to know them is the best thing ever, especially all my desk mates.
I really have the time of my life with them and I'm so glad that I'm so close to all of them. We just click with each other so easily!
they are probably my best tutors, always patiently guiding me. My best comforters, for they are always beside me when I receive any test results. my best laughing companions for we laugh at everything together. My best alarm for they always wake me up when I'm about to doze off. Hehe.

You guys made a difference in my life (:

Jellybeans

I think the coconut jellybeans just scarred me for life.

So today, when kind Christine offered us jellybeans,
I don't know what came over me but I took
the white with yellow spots.
well, I should have known right,
hahah the colour says a lot.
Woah the first bite was appalling.
This sick pungent coconut taste just
Filled my whole mouth and I felt sick to the stomach.
Ew. I swallowed it anyways which was stupid of me :/ and then I gushed down water and attempt to get rid of the aftertaste.
wells the taste was gone after awhile but I felt so sick I was dying inside literally.
Hui jan suggested to neutralise the taste with another jellybean but NO.
NO MORE JELLYBEANS FOR ME.

Nah, I can't blame anyone,
it's just me trying to be adventurous.
This just gave me another reason as to why I should be resistant to changes hahah.

Anyways I studied with Yanling and Christine in school, it was quite productive & I'm really glad to be able to spend time with them. We had a really great time with all the meaningful conversations (:
ohhh we even managed to catch a glimpse
of the Lord's amazing artistry across the evening sky!
Though it was short-lived but definitely breathtaking (:

sometimes

You scare me, honestly.
Sighhh I have no time for this.

.

Sometimes I really don't know what to say to you.
One moment you mean this,
the next moment you mean something else :/
You give me this feeling that I can't trust you even after so long.

Oh weeeeeeells.
Who knows, we might cross paths again one day.
til then, cya.