I realized how I haven't been praying much, at least not as much
compared to the past. I miss how the joy of praying to the Lord.
It's quite ironic how I'm supposed to lead a Bible study in DG about the perseverance
in prayer.
It's not coincidental, it has to be God at work to tell me about how I should
do something about my prayer life.
As I was reading through the passages and analyzing each and every line of Luke 11:1-13,
I felt that God was speaking to me.
Thinking back, the absence of a prayerful life speaks of me trying to rely on myself and not God.
What was I thinking?
How can I doubt that God will bless me and hence, I should go around with the mentality thinking
that since God wouldn't give me what I want, I shall work for it and gain it on my on human effort,
regardless of whether He wants to give me or not.
No, it doesn't work that way.
Indeed, God does not bless me with what I want but He blesses me with what He thinks is best for me (:
As I got back my prelim results, I was... erm mostly neutral about it.
I was more caught up with my academic results in the past.
It's not that I don't bother about my results anymore, live with abandon and delude myself into thinking O levels is not coming.
No, it's just that in light of so many other things, it just doesn't seem so... I dont know.
In the past, there will always be this bitter feeling in me whenever I dont do well for a subject, I will
just go around with this feeling which makes me unhappy, uncomfortable and disgusted and then I will vow to work harder so I wont experience this form of failure again.
But this time, I really thank God that I dont feel this way anymore for prelims.
I thank Him that I improved in some subjects which I thought I can never do well in :o
It's a miracleeeeee.
Duh, im not some straight A student so I still didnt do well in some subjects BUT Im so thankful to the Lord
that I He has helped me to be joyful even when I dont do well and to be genuinely happy for the friends who do well (: instead of wasting time feeling disappointed or counting the number of people which I disappointed. :/
Ahahah, now that I think of it, my attitude towards failure was so meaningless in the past, it got me nowhere.
As O level approaches, I just want to walk with God side by side and face this battle together with Him .
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."
John 15:5
